I haven’t written anything for this blog on this month yet, but it has become self-reinforcing. It is not because I haven’t got anything to say. I feel like silence gives birth to expectation, that whatever comes next must be fucking amazing. And I am up to the task. When I started this blog, I was committed to it. It has been my outlet ever since and now I am game on!
I’ve been pretty busy with SOMEONE lately. You should’ve heard how my heart screamed. I don't really care if anyone sees me or not, it's not really the kind of thing to get published. I just had to say it- I'm in love. When I said a prayer one Sunday, God must have heard and I felt the answer in my heart.
Loving someone makes you vulnerable whether you say it out loud or not. I would think that whenever you feel it, it’s appropriate to express it. I don’t think there should be a set of time or a deadline. I could not count how many times we exchange saying I love you. I don't need a reason or a reminder. It isn't one sided though. Often she says it randomly and that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. At first, I felt a little reserved; I asked her why she says it a lot. I got hit and made me smile from ear to ear when she said it is what she feels and she will never get tired on saying it. Needless to say, I am so moved and inspired. From that moment on, it was clear; I want to make her happy everyday. If it’s in my heart, why wouldn’t I say it? Every time I saw her, left her presence, ended a telephone conversation, text messages, we would always slip in the usual, “I love you”. Words are so powerful that when you share them, they become an imprint of your Life into the heart of another. Each time you allow yourself to declare “I love you” to another, you say: I am giving of myself. AND I LOVE THE FACT THAT I WILL BE THERE FOR HER. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies but I know in my heart, she will always be loved by me ^_^. Love fills our heart, it gives us the reason to keep smiling no matter what and it’s the most wonderful feeling and "I Love You" becomes the most beautiful word when it comes from our soul, we feel our heart pumping and a chill running down our spine. When we truly love, our actions say it, leaving us and our beloved with the sweet feeling, which in itself silently says "I Love You".
It's an easy thing to tell someone you love them, but a truly romantic person knows that showing your love is more important to a relationship than simply stating your love. Just when she thought I didn’t see, I caught a glimpse of her and kept that picture forever in my memory. Just when she thought I didn’t hear, I was listening to my heart. I spend my days and nights thinking about her. I realized that while the world saw her at this emotional gist, in this world of swirling mass of contradictions, she’s my hope, she will always have me! BABY, I know this is love because this is you and me and it feels so right. My heart began a journey the first time I looked into your eyes. God has given me the best advanced birthday present this year. I love you BABY! (dfv)
Honesty has always been the best policy. I have learned that NOT all people are necessarily good and honest. I am always willing to take the risk. It is fucking October and I’m still blogging about this shit. I took her as an honest person and I trusted and believed in everything she said. But now, I mumbled and was out of breath to finally DISCOVER THE REAL THING THAT HAPPENED. I despise pretense. She eventually revealed an uglier side of her. She had often said to me: “There’s no one, there’s no third party involved” I was too damn chicken to actually not believe in Ander’s premonition. I should’ve listened to my friend. It has opened my eyes. The feeling is like death but it shall too pass. Officially broke up on the 17th and his guy had a picture taken in her room on the 20th. It hurts on a level so much deeper than anything else. If I had known it in the beginning, my antics wouldn’t be responded as if it is unrequited and that further infuriates me. I am now totally breezy and calmed and after the tears, it did hurt me and certainly, I am not talking about a knock down, dragged out argument about placing blame. It is true that others no longer want to be in a relationship and it’s also possible that someone just want to part because she doesn’t like her partner any more. At any case scenario, be honest to tell your partner the exact reason why you want to break up. It’s very important to make clear the exact reasons of breaking up. Anything hidden may bring you disgraceful thoughts about your own self as well the other person will always be in a state to guess the reason and often guesses made in emotion are wrong.
“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.” ~ Unknown.
This is one of my favorite quotations on letting go because it’s true – sometimes it’s worse (in the long run) to try to get back together. Sometimes you need to keep forging ahead, and learn to survive heartbreak. I am strong, the feeling is intense. I kept myself hanging for the past few months. If only, I have known it earlier, I guess I have fall out on the situation. It is a big mistake to be friends with her; once a relationship is broken, I can’t keep our friendship alive. All I know is, it is not practical to have friendly feelings for a person you have been in a relationship with. Even if before getting into the relationship you were friends, you can never share the same feelings as you use to before getting intimate. After the break up, I am trying to keep distance with my ex rather than building a friendship with the heart breaker.
Anyway, I know I always love to take the risk and I’ll get over this. So here are my baby steps to moving on.
1. Acceptance - To reclaim my character, however I caught myself. This is a reality to conceive!
2. Release the pain – If it means to cry a river, be it. It will loosen up emotional baggage.
3. Be calm - When I’m hurt I always love shortcuts, I go with my friends and I could find a relief with their presence. Find the path to enjoying other things in your life that you used to enjoy.
4. Love yourself - love and accept ourselves for who we are, we should begin to love ourselves one piece at a time.
5. Understand the secrets to optimism while you face adversity
6. Believe that you’ll get over it- a cliché “Tomorrow is another day”. Be patient, somebody’s there to catch you.
7. Go back to number one. Until you realize you are done.
